So, like, what do I actually eat?

I’ve been thinking of doing this post for a while, but I’ve been hesitant, because I don’t want anyone to think I actually know what I’m talking about. But after eating way too many Mini Eggs and movie popcorn over the weekend (seriously, what are they putting in Mini Eggs, is it crack? I think it’s crack) I feel terrible and I need to get back on track food-wise. This is going to be totally inspirational…for me!

So, first I should probably say that I’m totally embarrassed every time I tell people I’m not eating gluten. I mean, I don’t have celiac disease, I don’t have any serious reason to think I have a gluten intolerance, so I know it’s stupid. I recognize that the whole not eating wheat thing is the trendy diet of the moment, and I’ve never attempted to follow a trendy diet in my life until now.

But all that said, it does seem to work for me. Basically in September I read the book Wheat Belly, which I thought made some interesting points about how modern wheat isn’t great for human consumption. I’m not going to go into a whole explanation of the premise behind the book, because – did I mention I really don’t know what I’m talking about? Anyway, I had been feeling tired and bloated and junk, and I wanted to lose some weight, so I figured I would try giving up wheat to see what happened. It wasn’t that bad, actually! Like, the first couple of weeks were kind of rough, but then I just didn’t really think about it that much, to be honest. And I don’t have much willpower or self-control, so I think that proves that it’s really not THAT difficult. I haven’t lost that much weight – about 15 pounds in total – but I also haven’t really, like, tried. I haven’t been exercising, and I eat all the time (though if I keep eating Mini Eggs I’m going to gain all the weight back in the next week, seriously, I’ve been eating so many Mini Eggs, this is a cry for help).

The thing that makes me think there’s something to this is that, when I DO eat properly and have breakfast, lunch and dinner with a couple snacks, I don’t feel insanely hungry throughout the day in between meals like I used to. In the afternoons after lunch, I used to feel like I was STARVING and I would have to eat chips or pretzels or something, and now I just feel…fine. I will maybe eat some sunflower seeds, but if I don’t have any, I don’t feel like I will die of hunger. I have been feeling tired lately due to my whole unrelated insomnia thing, but most of the time I feel like I have more energy, and I don’t feel bloated after eating.

OK, so, what DO I eat? Well, I am a terrible example because I hate to cook and there was never much variety in the things I ate, so I basically make like, three different things. I mean, this is fine for me, I have always been like this. There was one year when I basically lived on Kraft Dinner and Wal-Mart brand pizza pockets (gross), and there was that summer where I pretty much only ate spaghetti and peanut butter sandwiches, so like, this is definitely an improvement. And if you DO cook, there are approximately a million things you can make. But anyway, I said I was going to tell you what eat, so here we go. I even took pictures! These are not good pictures and this is not interesting food, but I don’t know, I like looking at pictures in blog posts.


This is what I eat for breakfast literally every single day! It is vanilla greek yogurt with mixed berries and crunchy flax. It’s so delicious, it’s basically like eating a sundae YES I KNOW HOW LAME THAT IS but seriously, it tastes super good and I literally never get sick of it ever.


This is my favourite goddamn dinner ever; if something has avocado in it, it is automatically amazing. This is a salad with salmon, avocado and feta. I sometimes get SUPER creative and use chicken or tuna instead of salmon. For lunch every day, I eat some kind of salad, sometimes with avocado, usually with sliced chicken. It turns out basically all salad dressings have canola oil in them, which is like, bad, so I just put basil-infused olive oil on my salad, which I buy from the insanely amazing olive oil tasting bar across the street from me.


This is the other thing I eat alllll the time: chicken and asparagus. See also: salmon and asparagus. As I recently explained to my friend Molly (who doesn’t like asparagus, which is weird), not only is asparagus delicious, but it also makes your pee smell funny for some reason! It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Anyway, yeah, I eat this a lot.

The other thing I eat (not pictured, sorry!) is omelettes. Usually I make them with mozzarella and prosciutto and feta and they’re really frigging good. I also eat snacks! At work I usually eat a whole whack of baby carrots, occasionally some cheese and I usually have a bunch of sunflower seeds with me. And I swear I don’t usually eat Mini Eggs as if my life depended on it, but I do regularly eat some dark chocolate, sometimes with natural peanut butter, which is basically the best most delicious thing ever.

And I mean…that’s pretty much all I normally eat! I do go to restaurants maybe once every week or two and I don’t always ask if things are gluten-free, so it is very possible I have eaten things with traces of gluten. I’M SORRY I CAN’T BE PERFECT. Still, I think I’ve been doing a pretty OK job, and as I say, it just seems to be working for me, so I plan to keep it up, at least for now. At some point in the next few months, I do want to step it up and lose another 10 pounds, but I’m not too stressed about it. I think I can make it happen once the goddamn Easter candy is off the shelves.

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2 thoughts on “So, like, what do I actually eat?

  1. My goodness. I don’t even know who this person is, eating this food. Who are you? What have you done with Alex?

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